Before Decade Ends;

No more shit.

It has been a hell of a year, but honestly it has been a great one. This year made me understand how life can truly be a bitch but that you can find strength in the littlest of things. It is the end of a decade, the end of an era. Next year we'll have different paths, different lives but we still stay the same. We as individuals will stay us no matter how much we change. Keeping that in mind, we're young and let's have some fun. =)

Castle Walls

Everyone thinks that I have it all,
But it's so empty living behind these castle walls;
These castle walls.
If I should tumble if I should fall,
Would any one hear me screaming behind these castle walls.
There's no one here at all,

Behind these castle walls.

Observing the estate through the gate from the outside looking in
Bet you would think I got it made, better look again
I got buttler, got a maid, and a mansion
The belief is that I'm living out a millionaires fantasy
With pantoms and ferrari's in the driveway
But you see the pain and the change of the same man's
Your vision jaded by the grammy's on the mantelpiece
Just switch your camera lenses you would see the agony
Apparantly it's damaging the man you see before you
On the canvas he may seem alright but all the diasadvantages his family
Encounters overpowers his extravagance
Walk in my? I dare you
While it really seem like the kings life aint glamourous
As seen through the eyes of untrained amateurs
Because the camera's don't see beyond the walls of the smiles
Only counts until it falls in the pile

Everyone thinks that I have it all,
But it's so empty living behind these castle walls;
These castle walls.
If I should tumble if I should fall,
Would any one hear me screaming behind these castle walls.
There's no one here at all,

Behind these castle walls.

Honestly to me, I think I'd lose every benefit of all that I've accomplished
If my key is never with it, shit
Me knowing this, why should the verses I have laid
Be more important to me than the persons I have raised
I guess I'm saying that to say that ooportunity
But they just don't equate to all the time they take away
From the kids all the shit I did right is a mistake
If deyjah end up a stripper and major slinging yay
How could I ever consider myself a great
If messiah ain't paid and nique nique ain't straight
Would your favourite song about the whips, money and shit
Be relevant if you found out, the money wasn't real, nope
So me being the goat shouldn't mean more to me
Than see it to a king though
From a bad ass kid to man with some dough
Otherwise I may well have stayed poor
So while they stay focused on me beefin with flip,
Shawty low, gucci or ludacris
Or if I'm fucking with a hoe
Did I snitch when I got arrested or will I die over nonesense
Internally I'm dealing with this conflict
So excuse me if I don't get the chance to kiss the hand
Or slap me in the face, ay I, m just the man
If they saying I ain't the best at making hit records
It's cause this my life these ain't just rapping
Shit, you think of that deep, did ya dawg
See you can't see the castle through the walls till it falls
Bitch ain't thinking with the deep, did ya dog
Cause see you can't see the castle through the walls till it falls

Everyone thinks that I have it all,
But it's so empty living behind these castle walls;
These castle walls.
If I should tumble if I should fall,
Would any one hear me screaming behind these castle walls.
There's no one here at all,

Behind these castle walls.

Nobody knows I'm all alone,
Living in this castle made of stone.
They say that money is freedom

but I feel trapped inside it all.

And while I sit so high up on a throne,
I wonder how I can feel this low.
On top of the world it's beautiful,
But there's no place to fall.

For the record ay, I give a damn if I never said shit again
My career was meant for me to come and tell it
Honest interpretation of how affected I'm faced with
Matters most rappers used to keep locked away in the basement
The day that I walk I ain't saying that I'm amazing
Down playing the way I keep fellas from catching cases
Won't take into consideration how much it mean what I'm saying
And when I say what I mean even when I'm sorrounded by the fakers
From one of the greatest centers, blessed with most of god's graces
Who made his way amongst the greatest from the grimiest places
So next time you rating royalty, I'm always being given to recordings than the level
Of your loyalty, obvious you've been ignoring me
Who else ya seen make it through the storm, unharmed disjointed
While all the critics was looking for prince charming
Disregarded the king of the south raised doubt
Even though he made a castle out of used to be a house
He did shit that all your favourites rappers only rap about
But most of y'all don't see the castle through the walls
And the smiles till it falls in piles so while...

Everyone thinks that I have it all,
But it's so empty living behind these castle walls;
These castle walls.
If I should tumble if I should fall,
Would any one hear me screaming behind these castle walls.
There's no one here at all,

Behind these castle walls.

Everyone thinks that I have it all,

But it's so empty living behind these castle walls;
These castle walls.
If I should tumble if I should fall,
Would any one hear me screaming behind these castle walls.
There's no one here at all,

Behind these castle walls.

Observing the estate through the gate from the outside looking in
Bet you would think I got it made, better look again
I got buttler, got a maid, and a mansion
The belief is that I'm living out a millionaires fantasy
With pantoms and ferrari's in the driveway
But you see the pain and the change of the same man's
Your vision jaded by the grammy's on the mantelpiece
Just switch your camera lenses you would see the agony
Apparantly it's damaging the man you see before you
On the canvas he may seem alright but all the diasadvantages his family
Encounters overpowers his extravagance
Walk in my? I dare you
While it really seem like the kings life aint glamourous
As seen through the eyes of untrained amateurs
Because the camera's don't see beyond the walls of the smiles
Only counts until it falls in the pile

Everyone thinks that I have it all,
But it's so empty living behind these castle walls;
These castle walls.
If I should tumble if I should fall,
Would any one hear me screaming behind these castle walls.
There's no one here at all,

Behind these castle walls.

Honestly to me, I think I'd lose every benefit of all that I've accomplished
If my key is never with it, shit
Me knowing this, why should the verses I have laid
Be more important to me than the persons I have raised
I guess I'm saying that to say that ooportunity
But they just don't equate to all the time they take away
From the kids all the shit I did right is a mistake
If deyjah end up a stripper and major slinging yay
How could I ever consider myself a great
If messiah ain't paid and nique nique ain't straight
Would your favourite song about the whips, money and shit
Be relevant if you found out, the money wasn't real, nope
So me being the goat shouldn't mean more to me
Than see it to a king though
From a bad ass kid to man with some dough
Otherwise I may well have stayed poor
So while they stay focused on me beefin with flip,
Shawty low, gucci or ludacris
Or if I'm fucking with a hoe
Did I snitch when I got arrested or will I die over nonesense
Internally I'm dealing with this conflict
So excuse me if I don't get the chance to kiss the hand
Or slap me in the face, ay I, m just the man
If they saying I ain't the best at making hit records
It's cause this my life these ain't just rapping
Shit, you think of that deep, did ya dawg
See you can't see the castle through the walls till it falls
Bitch ain't thinking with the deep, did ya dog
Cause see you can't see the castle through the walls till it falls

Everyone thinks that I have it all,
But it's so empty living behind these castle walls;
These castle walls.
If I should tumble if I should fall,
Would any one hear me screaming behind these castle walls.
There's no one here at all,

Behind these castle walls.

Nobody knows I'm all alone,
Living in this castle made of stone.
They say that money is freedom

but I feel trapped inside it all.

And while I sit so high up on a throne,
I wonder how I can feel this low.
On top of the world it's beautiful,
But there's no place to fall.

For the record ay, I give a damn if I never said shit again
My career was meant for me to come and tell it
Honest interpretation of how affected I'm faced with
Matters most rappers used to keep locked away in the basement
The day that I walk I ain't saying that I'm amazing
Down playing the way I keep fellas from catching cases
Won't take into consideration how much it mean what I'm saying
And when I say what I mean even when I'm sorrounded by the fakers
From one of the greatest centers, blessed with most of god's graces
Who made his way amongst the greatest from the grimiest places
So next time you rating royalty, I'm always being given to recordings than the level
Of your loyalty, obvious you've been ignoring me
Who else ya seen make it through the storm, unharmed disjointed
While all the critics was looking for prince charming
Disregarded the king of the south raised doubt
Even though he made a castle out of used to be a house
He did shit that all your favourites rappers only rap about
But most of y'all don't see the castle through the walls
And the smiles till it falls in piles so while...

Everyone thinks that I have it all,
But it's so empty living behind these castle walls;
These castle walls.
If I should tumble if I should fall,
Would any one hear me screaming behind these castle walls.
There's no one here at all,

Behind these castle walls.

10 Warriors

Now "Chain of Fools" and "Respect"

Was the Anthem of a woman Aretha said.

I feel an odd comfort knowing that here, I am alone. I shall tell a story because I feel obligated to do it here.

We had all been good friends for about a year. But we started to see this other side of him. Honestly, we felt annoyed. Irritated at his childish ways. And slowly began to pull away from him. Sadly, at the same time, he was in love with a friend of ours. His denial at this obvious fact strained our friendship even more so to the point where he became aware of it. Of course we talked it out, but this was far from over.

We still fell apart. We held him so close to our hearts. The thing is another guy was also in love with the aforementioned friend and as mean as it was, I rooted for this guy. Both guys were my friends but I just did. Was this betrayal? But on April 16, it was the end. We put up one last show and it was understood that everything was gone.

After that I thought it was over but it wasn't. He would play tricks and lay traps so that we wouldn't get certain opportunities on things that we loved. Is this giving us a taste of our own medicine? Was this payback for not supporting him on something he wouldn't admit to?

Half a year had past and I went to see the little idiots, who were arguing. We decided to tell them about the horrid road we took. We wanted them to learn from our mistakes and not follow in our footsteps. Just give them advice and not for them to butt in into our unresolved conflict.

Of course they did which makes everything messy again. The things is, the guy thinks we told the juniors to gossip about him, somehow making us hypocrites and liars.

The thing is, I'm so tired of all of it. I'm so tired of the animosity and mistrust. Honestly, I just want to put everything behind us so that we could all be happy again. I want to apologise because of the lack of effort in trying to make the friendship work. But at the same time, I don't know what would happen.

Thank You

Hey this is Shane Gerosi.

You're a classy and honest woman;

Both naughty and nice;

Ravishing;

Impressive;

Seductive and Sexy.

Christina, thank you so much.

Please never stop.

Remind Me

Cause I'm doing things I normally won't do.

The old me is gone,

I feel brand new.

And if you don't like it,

Fuck you.

Honestly,

I felt sick.

I don't know how to wrap my head around it.

How and why.

I don't like following most trends

and I love things that are underrated and unknown to most,

even to the point of hating it when others start to know and like it too.

Because,

when it comes the day

that I share everything of mine

with everyone else,

I will cease to exist.

Because I just want to be like how I was when I was born-unique.

If that is taken away,

I'll just fade into the background.

hmmmmm.

I Am Done, Smoking Gun.

Maybe it's doubt.

Maybe it's pain.

Maybe it's solace.

Will this end soon?

I understand those who did,

when they did.

Why they didn't

when they didn't.

Such a spastic love.

Maybe when it's over,

I can feel free to say

ok.

Maybe when I come back,

I can find who I am.

Goodbye, sweethearts.

I'll be back soon.

THINGS TO DO/GET/BUY/WATCH AFTER "O"s

movies:

The Lovely Bones.

Valentine's Day

Shutter Island

Alice In Wonderland

Bounty Hunter

Clash Of The Titans

Date Night

Kick-Ass

Back-Up Plan

The Losers

Shrek 4

Sex and The City 1 and 2

Killers

Toy Story 3

Predators

Despicable Me

Salt

Going The Distance

The American

Easy A

Burlesque

Life As We Know It

Gun

Knight and Day

Harry Potter 7

things to do/ places to go:

learn how to ride a bike

chalets

sleepovers

shop

food trip

Movie marathons

Friends Marathons

(this is too general)

shows:

CSI:miami season 6 and 7

GLEE

Cougar Town

The Big Bang Theory

How I Met Your Mother

Everybody Loves Raymond

FRIENDS

Parenthood

Grey's Anatomy

Private Practice

90210

30 rock

8 Simple Rules

Mercy

Scrubs

Bones

Ghost Whisperer

Veronica Mars

Buy:

BIONIC DELUXE

The Pact-Jodi Picoult

Pencil Case

Purse

Shoes

Dresses

more stuff.

Sunshine

define: hope.

ember lights.

snow.

rice.

smile.

In the end,

when you thanked me,

I saw it,

pure,

innocent

and overwhelming.

I saw it pour through your eyes,

and I knew you meant it.

I will keep this safe,

I will come back,

I will hold my words,

I will remember.

Double Quarter Pounder

I'll miss it. Everything. The little things, the big ones. I'll miss the taking off of our shoes so diligently 3 years ago, and now just walking in, leaving our footprints everywhere. I'll miss the talking and laughing, and Teban-ing. I'll miss the frisbee after drama, and the bubble tea after frisbee. I'll miss motivation. I'll miss the trainers. I'll miss the lame jokes. I'll miss the smiles. I'll miss the ramps. I'll miss it all.

But I don't have the time now. I'm scared, if one day when we're back, we'll be strangers. Will it be the same?

"This is all just temporary" someone wise said this, and another wise fella reminded me of this.

I want something in my life to give it some semblance of meaning, it used to be the Tuesdays and Fridays. But that's gone, temporarily. I need to put on hold getting a life now so I can "plan" for the future. Au Revoir!

We'll Go Be Heroes.

You're a dope. And you're a bonehead. And you're... shirty!

Thanks to all,

who made me feel,

loved,

and cared for.

I have a dilemma.

What do I do,

when there are 3 things that hang in the balance?

so many things would get compromised.

It's the finale tomorrow.

I would probably miss it.

geez,

why am I so upset?

how do you think clearly,

when your head hurts?

think,

with our heart.

it will come again,

maybe at the end,

maybe in the next,

I'll hold in the tears for now.

I don't know what to do

for tomorrow.

There's type of loneliness

that comes with being special.

there's a type of solitude

that comes with true power.

There's a price to pay

when you're chosen.

but it's what we need,

leaders,

good ones.

don't laugh at them,

because in the end,

they run past boundaries

that no one dares to cross,

they try and try again,

they don't mind the sacrifice,

as long as we move together.

It's lonely there,

because when someone has that label,

everyone instantaneously throws everything to that person.

It is lonely.

when you are one person,

and no one understands what

you are going through,

all you see

is a piece of paper,

and once you make a little

tear,

or stain,

or spot,

or crease,

then they're gonna blame you.

what a price to pay.

and they still do it.

they still do it because,

no one else will.

because,

the end matters too much,

to walk away.

Fingerprint

Time goes by,

and everything drops away.

I remember when i disliked you guys,

losers with such a snobbish attitude.

But I see you now,

grown up,

knowing when to do what,

and I'm so proud.

I'm so proud of you guys,

for being such great juniors.

At the end of the day,

it doesn't matter

whether your socks don't match,

or you have messy hair,

or you have your own abstract way of thinking,

in the end,

it all comes down to you.

Maybe it's selfish of me,

but there are some things

that I don't want to share,

because these are the only things,

that I can solely call my own.

Like,

shows,

music,

books,

writing,

quotes,

clothes,

hairstyles,

celebrities.

ETC.

you get my point.

Is it really that selfish,

when you just want to go

back to the beginning,

where each of us was unique.

Is it really that selfish,

that I want to be myself?

no,

it isn't.

It really isn't.

It's difficult.

Because there are always those,

who inevitably seem to do the same thing as you.

Teevee Whore.

Okay so that would be 2 cups of tarragon, 1 pound of baking soda and 1 red onion?

What the hell are you cooking?

I have finally rediscovered why I write.

The inspiration you get from friends.

Mentors,

Kin.

etc.

At the point

where you don't have turn around

to know that they are smiling at you.

I can't doubt a human's ability to love.

I've seen and experienced enough miracles,

and I know better.

It's touching,

how you poured so much love into something,

without expecting anything back.

How you guide us,

because of your passion,

and love for us.

It's scary,

how I'm typing here,

even though I should be studying.

I've lost my motivation.

No.

I've made myself a promise.

You'll see me,

next January.

I'll be on stage,

And no,

it won't be a performance.

Standing Ovation

It's just a piece of paper.

Thank you,

for being with me through

this bitter sweet moment.

Still fight,

Still try your hardest,

Still dream

The end of this journey,

isn't the end of the world

So let's do this,

together.

Let's have coffee.

I do promise,

I will be back,

I will visit,

I will always love you guys.

Faith is believing what you cannot see.

This Friday Fourteen Hundred Hours.

I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.I DON'T WANNA STEP DOWN.

I Will Remember

You might say I'm a dreamer,

but I'm not the only one.

It was easy,

the way you said it,

and made it happen.

You show such immense love for us,

and I worry how we may let you down,

how our last performance may be our worst.

Thank you,

for wanting to help us,

for working on making this

such a "kick ass" show.

I am scared.

As are the rest of us.

I'm afraid though.

How we might not be able to

put your thoughts into actions.

I've gotten complacent.

Believing what we're doing

is already good enough.

But it isn't,

I used to be able to talk to people,

but now I can't.

But you have always believed in me.

Even when i didn't believe in myself.

So thank you,

for loving us.

Four In The Evening

What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me is that you're freakishly tall! I feel like a woodland creature!

Have you ever wondered,

that life would be better

if everyone were shadows?

How we would always have to perfect figure,

perfect face.

How everyone would look,

identical.

But then again,

what about all the things we love.

What would it be like in a world

where you can't give someone you love a kiss,

or hold their hand,

or put a ring on their finger,

or see them smile?

In the end,

what can make us unique?

When we look the same?

How are you going to recognise

your loved one from others?

How are you going to show,

that you're happy?

If we were shadows,

what is the meaning,

of life?

Existence.

If it matters to you, it matters.

Today it hit me.

How this was the last time we were performing.

How grateful I was with everyone who guided me, every step of the way.

It was awful, it’s fine if you hate her, but don’t talk to me as if I do too.

In the end, how do you love, without a heart?

When you talked to me, I felt so light hearted.

I really don’t know what is going to happen to us.

I love this, more than anything else in the world. Do you really understand?

Not This Time

Forgiving someone requires more courage than hurting someone.

Have I made the wrong move.

Should I have waited?

Will we get the chance to talk?

Would you make the time,

just to listen to me,

whether I'm bored?

Did you mean what you say?

Was I wrong?

Base Purples

I'm throwing on my Louboutins.

When you have seen what it has become, maybe, you'll understand. It's hurts too much, and I'm scared, if we leave, and you fail is it your fault? No, never, it'll be us who didn't show you the right path, it'll be us who will take the blame. The thing is, we will take it, willingly, but you see, we want to leave, smiling.

When I saw the original, and I see us now, I don't know what to do. It hurts because I can't do anything that I want to because of your pathetic insecurities.

When I see you now, I'm disgusted, because you still think that everything is just a game.

When I look at you, I so desperately want to help, and not walk away.

Give me a reason to stay.

Give Me a Sign

In terms of which is the better adhesive, super glue sticks okay, but glitter is permanent.

It's was the disappointing,

because,

I didn't want them to fail.

I didn't want myself to fail.

It hurts when you see people,

who don't cherish what they have.

It hurts when you're stuck,

and you just don't know what to do.

It hurts to breathe.

It hurts to cry.

And then it rained.

As if he felt helpless,

and disappointed,

like us.

As if it would have helped,

helped us wash our problems away.

Will it?

Is there an superior being up there?

Because I prayed,

I prayed and prayed,

but you didn't answer

my pleas.

So give me a sign,

to keep me fighting.

Shit Happens

When a star shines, it means a soul is free.

I saw it,

your unhappiness,

the animosity in your eyes,

once I told you.

How everything changed,

how life was once full of opportunities,

but now,

a desert,

bare and dry.

I forgot what passion had felt like,

until you told us,

how much you wanted to help us

and how simply you thought of it.

Because for you,

it isn't a burden,

not even a job,

you wanted to do it,

for us,

not because you had to,

but because

you truly loved us.

And I see now,

what I'm doing is

for the eyes of all

the ones we would leave behind,

for all the pain

that was brought upon us,

for the pride

that I hope will shine in your eyes,

for the simple

yet powerful word-passion.

because you once showed me

how to stand up,

and you gave me the strength

to speak up.

I see everything

that I'm doing.

And I know,

that I'm doing it,

most importantly,

for you.

Glee

Think like a child,

dream big.

I had a fruitful year.

Gained a lot,

lost a lot.

In the end,

it comes down to one thing,

I don't care.

I don't care

that I don't get inspired,

that I can't write,

that I can't stay awake,

that I don't get credit.

I don't care,

because in 8 months,

these things will mean nothing,

if I make a mistake,

it's gonna screw up my life.

I want to look at her straight into her eyes and shout IN YOUR FACE.

I'm sick of crying,

because I know that it won't help.

I don't care about petty problems,

because they will come and go,

because life's a bitch.

I don't bleedin' care

if I make a fool out of myself trying,

because in the end,

I knew what I wanted.

How many people

can say that

they're doing what they love,

every single day?

I'm going to be one of the few.

Because I will fight

for what I believe in.

Care to join me?

What ever happened to believing?

You didn't earn it. You didn't work for it. You've never had anyone come up to you and say you deserve these things more than anyone else. They were just handed to you. So that doesn't make you better than us. It makes you luckier than us.

Spoken;

Which do you prefer?

Not being good at something,

and therefore not being chosen,

or not being chosen,

although you're good,

you're wanted,

but just not available.

Stupidity;

Why must life be such

that we can never go back in time,

and change all the mistakes

that we have made.

Suffering;

Why is it that

when I look back now,

I can't tell why I made those choices,

not anymore.

Self-Condemnation;

Because I do regret.

Because it hurts to see bored faces,

when they are the ones with the privileges.

Because it hurts to watch the things that they do,

knowing that I could have been a part of it.

Because it hurts to breathe.

We Band of Buggered

Is everyone here very stoned?

In the end,

when everything fell away,

we were happy,

if you forget

all the animosity,

and the pain,

you will find other things,

that are far more important.

Because maybe,

in the end,

we do render supreme.

Because maybe,

in the end,

no matter how the others fared,

we worked together,

and things turned out well.

White Noodles

There's a difference between choosing life and avoiding death.

Don't you think,

if you said yes,

you would have seen smiles?

Don't you think,

we are sick and tired

of hearing contradicting,

pathetic remarks?

Don't you think,

that instead of

helping someone,

you're actually putting them down?

Don't you think,

that we actually have feelings?

Don't you think,

there are better ways?

Don't you think,

that we deserve a chance,

like everyone else?

Don't you think,

other people do matter,?

Don't you think,

that sometimes,

it's not all about you

and your accomplishments

because no one cares?

Don't you think,

that in the end,

we're not happy,

at all?

Belonging

Life is precious and there's not a lot of room for anger.

Hello.

I'm READY for an awesome year.

Hello.

I'm going to learn how to ride a bike.

Hello.

I'm going to blog no matter how cheem I am.

Hello.

I'm going to read more books.

Hello.

I'm going to study like crazy for the next 10 months.

Hello.

I'm going to be less temperamental.

Hello.

I'm finally going to grow up.

Hello.

If you want to comment

(Yes, NiaoFin, I'm talking about you)

click the "0 comments" link

at the bottom of this post.

Hello.

I know this post is not cheem at all.