First Date

No, you have to stay. 'Cause I'm not ready for you to not be here.

I need someone to reassure me,
to tell me again,
why I'm doing this.

I want someone to say,
hey you were great.

someone that is willing to give me attention.
not because I did something random,
or cried out silly things,
or even jumped about and smiling like an idiot.

I need someone,
to tell me that I was good,
because I put in the effort,
and did well.

I need someone,
to see me,
not as the best friend,
not as the good girl,
not as the cheerful sweetheart,
not as the emotional wreck,
not as the crazy looney,

but me,
the one who has a mind of her own,
the one who loves english songs only,
the one who thinks that IKEA meatballs are awesome,
the one who loves shows that portray female empowerment,
the one who has trouble fitting in,
the one who has trouble being herself,

I need someone to asks someone to shut up,
when that person has hurt me,
even though what the person said was funny.

I want someone
to reassure me that everything will be ok,
to reassure me that even if I'm teased that it was unintentional,
to reassure me why I did what I did,
and if it was wrong,
and guide me step by step on how I could correct that mistake.

I am so sick of people fawning over someone,
someone so hungry for attention,
so needy for a reply,
and so pushy for information.

It's when people don't see what is right in front of them,
and just not see how others are hurt,

I know it's unintentional.
and I know that you don't really care,
I also see how you don't see me,
as if I'm beneath you.

not good enough to be your friend,
not good enough to compliment,
not good enough to know things,
not good enough to be clever,
not good enough to scream,
not good enough to deserve any respect,

just a lowly servant,
begging to be in your good graces.

and the funny thing is,
you act as if you don't even know it.

I need someone to reassure me why I'm doing these things,
why I got into the play,
why I got to be your friend,
why I was willing to sacrifice so much in the past,
but not now.
why aren't I talking to you?
why am I so insecure?
why is it that I need to hang onto shit?
why am I letting everything get to me?

why isn't anyone stepping forward?