Feels Like Tonight

What you did, was necessary, what I've always admired, you chose what to do with little difficulty,
because you placed your heart above all else.

It was the animosity,
the fear,
and the lion,
who seemed to come,
time after time,

when I least expected,
when I was at my lowest.

It is from the windows,
from which souls were made visible.
Windows all around me.

It is from the mumblings,
and all such meaningless,
lowly tunes.

I believed that I had found my happiness
and forgotten all the pain and sorrow.

But it was there,
lurking,
waiting,
like a gentleman,
only acting when the time was right.

How do I trust,
when my paramours are haunting me,
with the secrets,
and gossips.

How do I feel,
when I'm in a cage,
no light,
no freedom as such,
and I cannot move forward,
not because you're holding me back,
but because I choose to stand beside you.

I miss the talks.
The laughter.

but that's all we really had.

and I hate it.

I hate that it's so hard,
because all I want is to feel,
not the cheap thrill of roller coasters,
50 feet in the air,
but the emotional high and lows
that everyone talks about.

I hate that I try hard to make you understand,
and you don't even give me your 2-cents worth.

I hate that my fingers are less fluid,
for in the past,
I would be able to type
and type some more.

And you let me see,
you asked me to,
and I'm glad you did,
you reminded me about what I wrote to you,
a little more than a month ago,
and I remembered all the love that I received,
and all the love that I gave.

I am my own person,
there isn't a way to make this complicated,
because it is what it is,
simple.

I choose my own destiny,
and path my own road.

And I will become a better person,
not for your eyes,
but for my own.