I want to hate you. If it makes this easier. I don't. I can't.

promise I'm worth it?

what happened?

I used to know.

I knew what I wanted.

so clearly.

I can see it.

a bit.

just out of my reach.

a little bit.

"what are the chances?"

high.

but low.

"have you gotten the news?"

no.

I'll check on Friday.

"it's friday"

No. They haven't sent it.

"call them"

no.

I hate it.

I hate how much power this has over me.

I hate that you can't give me a fucking exact date

or a fucking way to check the results.

fuck.

I dont.

fuck.

what if I don't.