F, I know you read this. You're probably the only one that knows it's still alive/comatose. I read yours, because it was on fb- what a great friend am I ey? This post isn't about you changing schools. It's about the post before. Ironic isn't it, we're both 2 different ends of stick, both trying, hard, to the middle. To what's considered "normal" or "hot".
It's sick how girls now want all their ribs to show to feel beautiful. It's weird how guys are consuming all kinds of unnatural powders to build muscle mass. I'm lazy to go on. it's 2 examples, but we both know how this will go on forever.
The people in my class are perfectly happy with their bodies. They're not size zeros. They range. Skinny and tall, skinny and short, fat and tall, fat and short. And they accept it. They love their bodies they way people should.
"People that go on diets are stupid." -this fat girl said it. And I'm not even angry. She doesn't care that she's fat. She's bigger than me. But she doesn't care. And I'm upset because I kept quiet, because I guess I'm ashamed. Because I don't know how long it has been since I've eaten something and felt good about it. Even if it's salad. I don't know how many times I curse myself because I don't ache enough from the workout I did the day before. Was it not intense enough? I don't know how many times I repeat my clothes because there are so few that I'm convinced I don't look that fat it. Stockings- the thicker the better in Singapore heat- to hide my fat thighs. Cardigans that don't cling to your body- which hides my arms just so I can wear a tank top because I'm bored of t shirts. Hoodies make my tummy look bigger. Leggings make me look shorter. Jeans- apparently the miracle worker that stretches your legs- are the enemy, they make me look hopelessly short with the weirdest ass.Shorts that never fit well. Basic T-shirts that make me look so fucking bloated. So let's face it. Nothing looks good.
I don't know, F, it used to be easy to think you're beautiful just like everyone else. How is it that they can feel so good about themselves? What's their secret? I watch all the youtube videos on the different workouts that you can do. I eat healthy. Low carb, exercise, no sweet drinks, just tea or water. All these things and sometimes it doesn't feel like I'm living anymore, you know?
I don't know what this post was about, I guess it's a half rant, half-
I get it. The pain. I got the other side of the stick, but we got into the same shit huh?
I'm here. Any time you need me, I'm here. We'll go to Fika's and you can have half of what I'm eating plus your pasta bake.
Hahaha I'll gladly take your half. I originally wrote that blog post because I wanted to test my writing skills, but I realised that I'm also writing how I feel about myself subconsciously. And thanks for always being there for me.
ReplyDeleteI read your other blog on your workouts and gymming and I feel kinda guilty, because here I am complaining, but unlike you I'm not doing anything about it.
I guess it's time to start haha.
Not like there's any progress. And no wonder, I was thinking why your english was so perfect. You can do one too, a bulk up blog? I'm just tired of quitting.
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