Joie De Vivre

There is love after love, because the heart has the ability to love and then love completely and fully another.

It was cloudy,

It was,

but I saw,

millions of millions of stars.

Then I saw it,

some faded away,

and some shone brighter.

And I understood.

It's been a long year,

and so many things have happened,

good,

bad,

and I have to do it again.

to Elfin;

thank you,

for listening to my side of the story,

when I believed that no one would,

for talking to me,

when no one else was willing to,

for showing me,

that there's more to life,

and that it's to precious

to waste away on people who didn't care.

And finally,

for giving me strength and courage

to end it well.

to Iris;

thank you,

for allowing me back into your life,

for forgiving me even if you doubted me,

for giving me a chance,

And finally,

for opening my heart,

by showing me yours.

to Amanda;

thank you,

for being here for me,

time after time,

I haven't been the nicest person,

but you stuck with me,

when I was sad,

and alone,

till now,

when I'm happy.

So please remember,

even in the darkest of nights,

will come the light of day.

to Jane;

thank you,

for listening,

for being here,

for all the joyous times

you were willing to share with me.

Please,

don't give up on anything,

because you are one of

the strongest people I've ever met.

And the most unique.

So remember,

time is precious,

treasure it,

don't be late.

to Ezzul;

thank you,

for believing in me,

when I doubted myself.

for loving me,

when I hated myself.

for telling me

the funniest things,

and for making so many

of my days.

Because in the end,

I find that you will always be here for me,

even when I'm not here for myself,

and thank you,

for your selflessness,

and your sacrifices.

to Jayden;

thank you,

for showing me,

that life doesn't have

to be serious all the time,

for giving me something

to look forward to during chinese,

thanks for being lame,

and making me laugh.

to Jowen;

thank you,

for guiding me,

and for treating me.

You're my friend,

and I've seen your heart,

I've seen the generosity of it,

but the thing is,

you give so much to others,

that you leave yourself with nothing.

In the end,

don't sacrifice things

that are unnecessary.

to Michael;

thank you,

for showing me that

friendship is mutual,

and how TV is awesome,

and giving me something

that's mature to talk about.

to Wei Ying;

thank you,

for showing me that in the end,

all I needed was a little push,

and some support,

and for remembering what I like,

cause it makes me feel

that much more significant.

to Amos, Yi Jia and Jiang Hao;

thank you,

for being there for me,

whether it's for giving me support,

or holding an umbrella,

thank you,

for listening to me,

in my time of pain.

to Alex,

thank you,

for all the strength

that you gave me,

but you need to know,

that you are strong,

don't give up

because you failed,

challenge yourself,

try and try again,

and fight for things

that you believe in.

to Fabian, Claire and Ming Liang;

thank you,

for listening to my cussing,

and bearing with me through my bullshit,

for giving me something

to smile about when I'm down.

to all the friends who have come and gone;

thank you,

for finding it in your heart,

to let me go.

Let's Start Out Slow

The flashy girl from Flushing.

Because I felt,

that in the end,

during the last stretch,

I wasn't going to make it.

It would take a shot to my chest,

or a knife to the gut,

or a vehicle to run me down.

And I was scared.

I was scared that

it wouldn't end the way

I wanted it to end.

And all in the name of perfection.

Holding Hands.

Rule of the house: Marijuana is illegal in the states, yes, even if baked in blueberry muffins, that someone may mistakenly eat for breakfast, before leaving for their job as a TV newscaster. "This just in, look at my hand, how weird is my hand?" is not an appropriate thing to say on the air!

I would like to wipe

that smug look off your face,

I would,

but I still want to understand what I did,

what I did to cause you to treat me,

treat me like I'm a slave,

not worthy of anything.

And if you're not going to tell me,

I won't ever understand.

I know you're angry,

because honestly,

you don't hide it well,

you look at me different,

different than all the others,

and I would like to ask you why.

I am sorry

if I have caused you

inconvenience,

or any form of threat.

I just wanted you to know,

that you touched my life,

and constantly talked to me

when I was down,

I know I didn't do the same thing to you,

but you need to know,

that you gave me strength,

and showed me

that bad times,

will be over,

eventually.

And I'll be here,

when you need me.

Think Peace

Talkin' through the schnoz.

If life was a game,

And each person had something specific.

What would I be?

Like Monopoly.

Where you get money,

'till you are bored,

then what happens next?

Like Bubble Shooters

Where you get one shot

and one shot only,

or you plunge into failure,

then what happens next?

Like Pokemon.

Where you go where you need to go,

do what you need to do,

buy what you need to buy,

where life is planned out,

and you follow through

or you can't advance,

then what happens next?

Like Tetris.

Where you fit everything perfectly,

and you know somehow,

everything will be alright,

cause circles won't be

pouring down anytime soon.

You make some sacrifices

to deal with the next problem,

then what happens next?

Do we choose another game

when we're bored?

Do we shoot up the board

when we're pissed?

Do we give up

when we're frustrated?

Do we stick to safety

and stick to the rules

when we are scared?

Or maybe,

Do we stop,

think,

and realise,

that there can never be

one game for one person.

And if the rules say so,

Screw the rules.

Bugger Fish

Life only has meaning because there is an end. Death is what forces people to live.

In the end,

if I could do it all over again;

I would learn

to love exercise.

I would take out

5 minutes a day

just to smile.

I would take

strolls in the park.

I would say

I love you

to my family

and mean it.

I would have learnt to live in the moment.

Life is short,

you never know when you would die,

so what on Earth are you waiting for.

Time to ask yourself,

if in a minute,

we were to die,

would we die happy?

Yellow Head.

Ok, don't panic, we'll wrap up here and we'll go home and panic.

I finally understand

how it feels to fight a war,

by yourself.

So screw it,

screw your holier-than-thou attitude,

because it's bloody selfish.

Cheerio

You child.

It was simple.

It was a phone call.

and it made me feel

significant.

Because in the end,

you were always by my side,

even when you

were thousands of miles away.

And it made me feel special.

Court and Clark

Who would shoot a gnome? And why is the "G" silent?

Is it a drama,

where the leads

just can't seem to find each other?

Is it a tragedy,

where everything was meant

to go down the drain.

Is it a twisted game,

where all we do

is rack up the pieces,

and play again?

Is it stereotypical,

that you will always be in front of me,

and I won't be able to see?

Is it an alien language,

because I don't think your words are true

or they are,

but they no longer apply?

Is it me,

or is it you?

Bald Cap

Barbie's in denial, never listen to a woman who can't wear flats.

Oh,

Thank you,

for listening,

for being different,

for being someone

whom I can be myself around.

Thank you,

for being open to me,

and for allowing me back into your life.

Thank you,

for being here,

and talking to me.

Thank you,

for letting me breathe.

Thank you,

for smiling,

when you could have walked away.

The Zeppo

What else does this "genius" have to say?

Hey.

Look at me.

Hey.

Listen to me.

Hey.

Talk to me.

I just want to sit down,

and to have a cup of coffee,

maybe ice cream,

and a conversation.

I want you to tell me

what's going on in your life,

what's going to happen next,

and eventually,

where we would go from here.

I believe that not all stories have happy endings,

but I believe if you are willing to work at it,

it will give something back.

I just need you to say,

sorry.

I just need you to listen.

I just need some basic respect.

I just need you to know,

that your words and thoughts,

are important.

but so are your ears.

So listen,

nod,

and accept,

and don't assume.

Because it's childish,

and obnoxious.

Because at the end of the day,

I just want to tell you what happened.

Eat Cake.

That damn prozac is turning me into a caring human being, and they said there's no harmful side effects.

Because in the end,

I didn't have the strength to carry on.

Because in the end,

I'm sure that I had made the right choice,

but am unsure of where to go from here.

Because in the end,

I didn't get why

no one could understand.

Because in the end,

it didn't matter.

Because in the end,

I lost my faith in passion.

Because in the end,

at long last,

I traced back my roots,

and went back to the beginning.

And found out that,

when I gave something

the love and attention it needs,

it lasted beyond what I had expected it to.

Chopped

I wanna live a life from a new perspective.

It's over,

I'm tired of waiting for people to change,

when I should have done this all along.

Why wait for someone

to push the red button,

when you are closer to it?

It is,

forever more,

my own choice.

You see,

you have one life,

you either waste it away,

or you live it.

Because in the end,

I want people to remember me,

remember that I was larger than life.

Shmegegge

Being Jewish. Remember, people? Not everybody worships Santa!

I sit alone,

and wonder.

I did something wrong,

was it my look?

Or the charms

of the other girl?

I sit alone,

and think.

Am I losing it?

The passion

I pumped through my veins?

I saw eyes,

webs,

of complex

pain.

I see a girl,

who is getting back at me.

I see a boy,

plotting against me.

I see a teacher,

thinking I've changed.

I see a mirror,

and can't find the truth.

Boundaries

I don't want to protect you from the world, I want to show it to you.

What is happening to us?

for in the past,

rhyme or not,

we would be there for each other,

and you were the thing I would count on.

It didn't matter that

people didn't know how close we were,

we were two very opposite things,

but we had a friendship,

and for the first time

it was something where

I didn't care what other people thought of it.

Where have you gone?

What's happening to us?

we decided to be awesome,

united

and all the things that come with the package,

but no,

we,

because of selfish reasons

chose to break the bonds,

and become particles,

instead of supreme.

What's happening to us?

we used to be close,

and now

we do things to irritate each other,

and then pretend that nothing's wrong.

What's happening to us?

I don't wish you anything,

but for you to accept all that is happening

around you,

I used to understand,

but now,

I find myself holding back,

because you are,

if I'm not wrong,

threatened?

What's happening to me?

I am numb.

I did so many things,

made so many choices,

gave up so many dreams,

changed so much of me.

And what have I found,

a girl,

a little girl,

caught in the rain.

Eyes.

Eyes.

Windows.

Windows.

Maybe I was selfish,

for choosing my happiness

over yours,

and in that,

I took the easy way out,

and left you standing alone.

Maybe I was wrong,

for not fighting harder,

not fighting more often,

not fighting for everyone,

not fighting for more.

Maybe I was weak,

and lost my faith,

I still remember

how you knew that we

were important.

And I let everything slip away.

Maybe I lost it all,

passion,

my ability to think,

my ability to speak,

and overall my ability to do.

To act on my instincts,

my visions,

my love,

and my passion.

Maybe I saw it coming,

But I saw me fighting,

Not anymore.

I want to say,

that I didn't lie,

that I am happy,

that I am okay,

that I am fine.

I can't,

not anymore,

not when keeping it in

hurts more than

I could imagine.

I want to say

all the things I want to say,

Do,

all the things I want to do,

without thinking,

and be spontaneous,

but I can't.

I made a person,

who can't talk

about what's bothering her,

about all the things,

because of the extent of trust,

about people,

cause they won't understand,

who can't shout DICK without getting stares,

who can't feel the warmth and love of people,

who can't do what she wants to do,

for she's afraid of judgement.

who can't do all the things she wants to do,

because if she does,

she's trying to get the throne.

I made a person,

and in that,

destroyed myself.

So I cannot answer the question,

but I am asking all to help,

Who am I?

Eating Airplanes.

Did I know? For 4 years I've been hinting to him, I've been hinting to you, I've been hinting to him to hint to you, why do you think I don't have time to make pate?

It's over,

we stepped off the stairs,

finally.

We made through a year,

mostly confusion,

and pain,

but also discovery.

I found out who I was,

and in that,

found what I held dear to me.

Scallops,

awesome.

And when we left,

I was happy,

more than I ever thought

I would be,

I was happy.

I didn't regret any choices I made,

nor the sacrifices.

I found people,

that returned my love,

and things that,

were simple,

were obvious,

and have been with me

right from the beginning.

I was selfish at times,

putting my own happiness

over another's,

but I hope she finds her own peace.

I am quiet at times,

like many times before this year,

but I need you guys to know,

I'm no longer thinking as much,

I know I'm pushing the edge

and may sound bimbotic here,

but my mind is not filled

with all the complications

that troubled me once before.

When I am quiet,

I find myself

silently contemplating the future.

I find myself

exhausted from all that we have been through.

And I find myself

knowing that people are there to catch me.

I'm not upset,

not in pain,

not anymore.

because this year,

I found friends,

I found passion,

I found the ability to smile,

and in all,

I found myself.

And for that,

I thank everyone

for taking this journey with me.

It's Already Dripping.

Gee, is that ice cream cone big enough?
Uhhh, it's delicious enough.

It's silly,
how much I want this,
I want it.

I had my chance,
but I still want it,
and I do realise,
I have never wanted anything more.

I want to receive it,
because all I want is
to put all my love
and effort
and attention
into it.

And it hurts,
to see it walk into arms of
indifferent people.

Now, do you see the irony?

We Can Promise.

You think I'm losing sight of the big picture, but I'm not. When Spike had that chip, it was like having him in a muzzle. It was wrong. You can't beat evil by doing evil. I know that.

For a second,
I was confused.

For a second,
I doubted my feelings,
and my ability.

For a second,
I was afraid that I wasn't good enough.

But the thing is,
I was wrong.

You told me,
You gave me,
You let me hold onto
the strength I needed
and was afraid I had lost.

You gave me the affirmation
that you wanted me there,
more than others,
you wanted me.

Not the pretty girl,
Not the outspoken girl,
Not the one that has found herself.

You wanted none of the above.

And the thing is,
I want it.

We all want it.

More than those
who can have it,
we want it.

So please,
listen,
and give us a chance.

Because it's all we're asking you,
Because all we want is to spend our final days
working on something so amazing.

And when it finally happens,
you will never regret it.

Wyndam-Pryce

Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever, but get over it. 'Cause pretty soon you're not even gonna have the loser friends you've got now.

M'darling,
give me a moment,
let me spell it out for you,
and let you see,
for real this time,
and let you see the truth

Don't you see,
there's nothing to forgive,
as you did no wrong,
as have I,
I knew I wanted a second path,
and I chose to walk away.

It's nobody's fault,
we made a deal
to end our pain,
because we were friends
from the very beginning,

I realised that we were only friends,
because it would be inconvenient not to be.

Maybe I was right,
and maybe I was wrong,
I may have made a mistake,
but whether I did or didn't,
I moved on.

And I wouldn't talk about me forgetting,
because I can't remember
half the things I did
the day before.

It's painful,
and it's hard,
but it's life.

And the thing is,
if I could relive the moments once again,
I'd never want anything to change.

Feels Like Tonight

What you did, was necessary, what I've always admired, you chose what to do with little difficulty,
because you placed your heart above all else.

It was the animosity,
the fear,
and the lion,
who seemed to come,
time after time,

when I least expected,
when I was at my lowest.

It is from the windows,
from which souls were made visible.
Windows all around me.

It is from the mumblings,
and all such meaningless,
lowly tunes.

I believed that I had found my happiness
and forgotten all the pain and sorrow.

But it was there,
lurking,
waiting,
like a gentleman,
only acting when the time was right.

How do I trust,
when my paramours are haunting me,
with the secrets,
and gossips.

How do I feel,
when I'm in a cage,
no light,
no freedom as such,
and I cannot move forward,
not because you're holding me back,
but because I choose to stand beside you.

I miss the talks.
The laughter.

but that's all we really had.

and I hate it.

I hate that it's so hard,
because all I want is to feel,
not the cheap thrill of roller coasters,
50 feet in the air,
but the emotional high and lows
that everyone talks about.

I hate that I try hard to make you understand,
and you don't even give me your 2-cents worth.

I hate that my fingers are less fluid,
for in the past,
I would be able to type
and type some more.

And you let me see,
you asked me to,
and I'm glad you did,
you reminded me about what I wrote to you,
a little more than a month ago,
and I remembered all the love that I received,
and all the love that I gave.

I am my own person,
there isn't a way to make this complicated,
because it is what it is,
simple.

I choose my own destiny,
and path my own road.

And I will become a better person,
not for your eyes,
but for my own.

Purple Poker

Because when he breaks in and starts hacking you up with his machete, your screams will wake me up, and then I'll be able to escape.

I'm satisfied,
with my life.

I don't have the sick and twisted problems,
but there's a lack of something,
as if I could only be who I am
when I wasn't happy.

Lyrics came and went through my head,
like blood pumping.

And once more,
and maybe forever,
I will be empty,
silent,
shuttered and dank,
without passion and without dreams.

Will I go on like this?
I'm I good at being depressed?
Does that make me a better person?

and am I going to change just because
I can't write like before,
or nothing cool comes out of my head,

No.
That's retarded.

Do you think I'm happy about it,
not having my books filled with words,

Now,
if you can do what I used to,
on a daily,
no, on a regular basis,
then tell me what you think.

I'm trying.

The 2 and the Conjoined

I said shut the hell up.

Can it be simple?

Can you tell me numbers,
like you did before?

Can you hold my hand,
like when we ran to the dance floor?

Can you get a razor,
or don't,
I'll be fine with anything.

Can you make me laugh,
like the time when the country girl wasn't famous yet.

Can it be simple,
or is it just too much to ask?

Button, Button, Who's got the button?

Shame on you. Why does a man do what he musn't? For her. To be hers. To be the kind of man who would nev-To be a kind of man. And she will look upon him with forgiveness... and everybody will forgive and love. And he will be loved. So everything's okay, right? C-can we rest now?

when I saw,
when it was right there,
in front of me,
I got it.

it's going to happen again,
I am going to go through more troubles,
and hardships,

I am going to cry again,
and hurt,
and scream,
but then again it won't matter.

because in the end,
I'll have all of you,

I gave out my heart and soul,
and I was loved,

all that happened
didn't matter,
never mattered,
and will never matter.

because I found my place,
I found my happiness,
and I was loved.

Roadmap

Please, how many times have I heard that line in my demon days? "I'm so rotten, they don't even have a word for it. I'm bad. Baddy bad bad bad. Does it make you horny?

Or terrified. Whatever.

It went over,
time and time again,
how it works,
how I would make it work.

What she said,
and her,
and her.

all the people,
talking,
saying,
singing.

I will miss the people that came and went,
and I will love the people who remember.

I see those,
who do not see me.
who have gone,
and would not turn back,
and I am hollow.
I had convinced myself that
you had meant the most to me,
not because you taught me the most,
but because you were willing to share my mirth and sorrow.

but where are you now?

And That's Enough.

so you are in an abyss,
lost and alone,
nothing to fight for,
nothing to lose,
no hope,
no friends,
no happy ending,
nothing to look forward to,
no simple memories,
no weapons to fend for your self,
no family,
no sense of right and wrong,

nothing left,
everything gone,
everything stolen,

take all that away,
and what's left?



me.

You'll Be There For Me?

Will I stay this way forever?
Sleepwalk through my life's endeavor?

sing me a song,
read me a prayer.

I know we all have to let go someday.

I look at all the things around me,
and ask the simple why.

why,
why am I whiny?
why am I alone?
why am I trying?

when everyone says that it's okay,
and that "you have us"
comforting words,
but also,
hollow.

so who do I have.
do I even exist?

I look at what people have,
simple,
happy lives.
with friends that will will be there till the day they die.
simple isn't it?
how happy they are?

I don't remember when I was happy.
I was,
I just don't know when.

I don't even know whether I can be
a happy person.

so the best friend in the story
is left,
forgotten.

the unpopular geek leaves school,
knowing another phase of her life has pass,
but turns behind and sees everyone walking away.

so she's alone.
walking on.
no where to go,
no place to run,
nothing to do,
no sights to see,
no songs to sing.

living her life

so give me a reason
to get out of bed in the morning.
so give me an excuse
to get me to smile
so give me a path
to get me walking
so give me hands,
to get me to tear this mask off.
so give me a mirror
to let me know I'm still here.





so give me something to sing about.

Tegan

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So, tell me when you gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything.

In these 2 years
that we have been friends,
I have gained a lot from you
in the sense that
you have taught me a lot.

and I have also lost a lot,
in the sense,
that I lost a great friend,
you.

you were there for me,
when no one understood,
you were there to listen,
you were there.

and in that moment where I lost you,
I blamed her.
I blamed her,
because she was the one talking to you.
joking with you.

how childish I was.
selfish.

I blamed so many people,
but when I thought about it,

when I asked myself,
I realised,
that I wasn't the perfect friend.
I realised,
that I too was irritating.
I realised,
that I, myself drove you away.

and for that,
I really am sorry.
for I have hurt you,
or being childish,
thinking someone stole you away,
and that I had nothing to do with it.

But please know,
You will always be my
freakishly good friend.

Mugger

Don't blame the pretty lady. Coo.

You know how I feel,
because it happened to you.

You took the one friend I could call true.
You took the one freakishly good friend I had,
when I had nothing else.
And you took her away.

Look at yourself,
and ask yourself,
whether you deserve it.

Salvation

the people who don't care will never understand the people who do.

I really thought that I was the boundary.

So maybe we aren't that close.
maybe we shouldn't have chosen to become friends.
maybe you came into my life to teach me something.
maybe you deserve more.

but I don't think I'm the person you're looking for.

I'm saying,
maybe it's over.

First Date

No, you have to stay. 'Cause I'm not ready for you to not be here.

I need someone to reassure me,
to tell me again,
why I'm doing this.

I want someone to say,
hey you were great.

someone that is willing to give me attention.
not because I did something random,
or cried out silly things,
or even jumped about and smiling like an idiot.

I need someone,
to tell me that I was good,
because I put in the effort,
and did well.

I need someone,
to see me,
not as the best friend,
not as the good girl,
not as the cheerful sweetheart,
not as the emotional wreck,
not as the crazy looney,

but me,
the one who has a mind of her own,
the one who loves english songs only,
the one who thinks that IKEA meatballs are awesome,
the one who loves shows that portray female empowerment,
the one who has trouble fitting in,
the one who has trouble being herself,

I need someone to asks someone to shut up,
when that person has hurt me,
even though what the person said was funny.

I want someone
to reassure me that everything will be ok,
to reassure me that even if I'm teased that it was unintentional,
to reassure me why I did what I did,
and if it was wrong,
and guide me step by step on how I could correct that mistake.

I am so sick of people fawning over someone,
someone so hungry for attention,
so needy for a reply,
and so pushy for information.

It's when people don't see what is right in front of them,
and just not see how others are hurt,

I know it's unintentional.
and I know that you don't really care,
I also see how you don't see me,
as if I'm beneath you.

not good enough to be your friend,
not good enough to compliment,
not good enough to know things,
not good enough to be clever,
not good enough to scream,
not good enough to deserve any respect,

just a lowly servant,
begging to be in your good graces.

and the funny thing is,
you act as if you don't even know it.

I need someone to reassure me why I'm doing these things,
why I got into the play,
why I got to be your friend,
why I was willing to sacrifice so much in the past,
but not now.
why aren't I talking to you?
why am I so insecure?
why is it that I need to hang onto shit?
why am I letting everything get to me?

why isn't anyone stepping forward?

I'm Sorry.

THAT'S NOT RUNNING, THAT'S FALLING!

when people say things,
and do things,
what do they really mean,
some are blessed
with the ability
to choose exactly
what words to say
to a person.

when you talk to a person,
do you say what's in your mind?

I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,

and after a while,
you won't mean those words,
you'll just be lying.

and what good is that?












I'm sorry,
truly,
I am.

Are you in, or are you out?

Anya, I have faith in you. There is no one you cannot piss off.

It's tiring,
to pretend,
to make everything a lie,
to live a lie.

but you see,

lies,
they make up this complex web of shit,
that everyone spins,
and day after day,
you're going to start to forget
who you lied to,
and what you lied about.

and it's ridiculous
on all the little things
we need to lie about.

and it's sad,
how all of us
lie, and are upset
when other people do it.

people lie,
all the time
when we obviously don't need to.

why?

seriously,
why do people lie?

in this,
simple,
yet complex
mind of ours,
why do we lie?

we lie,
because someone will get hurt if we don't.

but no.
that just isn't a good enough reason.

Merteuil

Be her Captain Picard, Valmont. Boldly go where no man has gone before.

I can't
I couldn't
I won't.

for too long,
I've kept silent.
and for too long,
I've been empty.

So this is it,
I'm doing this.

I'm being brave,
and being bold,
and doing something,
on my own,

and i'm putting my first step forward.

this is it.
i'm back.