Eat Cake.

That damn prozac is turning me into a caring human being, and they said there's no harmful side effects.

Because in the end,

I didn't have the strength to carry on.

Because in the end,

I'm sure that I had made the right choice,

but am unsure of where to go from here.

Because in the end,

I didn't get why

no one could understand.

Because in the end,

it didn't matter.

Because in the end,

I lost my faith in passion.

Because in the end,

at long last,

I traced back my roots,

and went back to the beginning.

And found out that,

when I gave something

the love and attention it needs,

it lasted beyond what I had expected it to.

Chopped

I wanna live a life from a new perspective.

It's over,

I'm tired of waiting for people to change,

when I should have done this all along.

Why wait for someone

to push the red button,

when you are closer to it?

It is,

forever more,

my own choice.

You see,

you have one life,

you either waste it away,

or you live it.

Because in the end,

I want people to remember me,

remember that I was larger than life.

Shmegegge

Being Jewish. Remember, people? Not everybody worships Santa!

I sit alone,

and wonder.

I did something wrong,

was it my look?

Or the charms

of the other girl?

I sit alone,

and think.

Am I losing it?

The passion

I pumped through my veins?

I saw eyes,

webs,

of complex

pain.

I see a girl,

who is getting back at me.

I see a boy,

plotting against me.

I see a teacher,

thinking I've changed.

I see a mirror,

and can't find the truth.

Boundaries

I don't want to protect you from the world, I want to show it to you.

What is happening to us?

for in the past,

rhyme or not,

we would be there for each other,

and you were the thing I would count on.

It didn't matter that

people didn't know how close we were,

we were two very opposite things,

but we had a friendship,

and for the first time

it was something where

I didn't care what other people thought of it.

Where have you gone?

What's happening to us?

we decided to be awesome,

united

and all the things that come with the package,

but no,

we,

because of selfish reasons

chose to break the bonds,

and become particles,

instead of supreme.

What's happening to us?

we used to be close,

and now

we do things to irritate each other,

and then pretend that nothing's wrong.

What's happening to us?

I don't wish you anything,

but for you to accept all that is happening

around you,

I used to understand,

but now,

I find myself holding back,

because you are,

if I'm not wrong,

threatened?

What's happening to me?

I am numb.

I did so many things,

made so many choices,

gave up so many dreams,

changed so much of me.

And what have I found,

a girl,

a little girl,

caught in the rain.

Eyes.

Eyes.

Windows.

Windows.

Maybe I was selfish,

for choosing my happiness

over yours,

and in that,

I took the easy way out,

and left you standing alone.

Maybe I was wrong,

for not fighting harder,

not fighting more often,

not fighting for everyone,

not fighting for more.

Maybe I was weak,

and lost my faith,

I still remember

how you knew that we

were important.

And I let everything slip away.

Maybe I lost it all,

passion,

my ability to think,

my ability to speak,

and overall my ability to do.

To act on my instincts,

my visions,

my love,

and my passion.

Maybe I saw it coming,

But I saw me fighting,

Not anymore.

I want to say,

that I didn't lie,

that I am happy,

that I am okay,

that I am fine.

I can't,

not anymore,

not when keeping it in

hurts more than

I could imagine.

I want to say

all the things I want to say,

Do,

all the things I want to do,

without thinking,

and be spontaneous,

but I can't.

I made a person,

who can't talk

about what's bothering her,

about all the things,

because of the extent of trust,

about people,

cause they won't understand,

who can't shout DICK without getting stares,

who can't feel the warmth and love of people,

who can't do what she wants to do,

for she's afraid of judgement.

who can't do all the things she wants to do,

because if she does,

she's trying to get the throne.

I made a person,

and in that,

destroyed myself.

So I cannot answer the question,

but I am asking all to help,

Who am I?

Eating Airplanes.

Did I know? For 4 years I've been hinting to him, I've been hinting to you, I've been hinting to him to hint to you, why do you think I don't have time to make pate?

It's over,

we stepped off the stairs,

finally.

We made through a year,

mostly confusion,

and pain,

but also discovery.

I found out who I was,

and in that,

found what I held dear to me.

Scallops,

awesome.

And when we left,

I was happy,

more than I ever thought

I would be,

I was happy.

I didn't regret any choices I made,

nor the sacrifices.

I found people,

that returned my love,

and things that,

were simple,

were obvious,

and have been with me

right from the beginning.

I was selfish at times,

putting my own happiness

over another's,

but I hope she finds her own peace.

I am quiet at times,

like many times before this year,

but I need you guys to know,

I'm no longer thinking as much,

I know I'm pushing the edge

and may sound bimbotic here,

but my mind is not filled

with all the complications

that troubled me once before.

When I am quiet,

I find myself

silently contemplating the future.

I find myself

exhausted from all that we have been through.

And I find myself

knowing that people are there to catch me.

I'm not upset,

not in pain,

not anymore.

because this year,

I found friends,

I found passion,

I found the ability to smile,

and in all,

I found myself.

And for that,

I thank everyone

for taking this journey with me.

It's Already Dripping.

Gee, is that ice cream cone big enough?
Uhhh, it's delicious enough.

It's silly,
how much I want this,
I want it.

I had my chance,
but I still want it,
and I do realise,
I have never wanted anything more.

I want to receive it,
because all I want is
to put all my love
and effort
and attention
into it.

And it hurts,
to see it walk into arms of
indifferent people.

Now, do you see the irony?

We Can Promise.

You think I'm losing sight of the big picture, but I'm not. When Spike had that chip, it was like having him in a muzzle. It was wrong. You can't beat evil by doing evil. I know that.

For a second,
I was confused.

For a second,
I doubted my feelings,
and my ability.

For a second,
I was afraid that I wasn't good enough.

But the thing is,
I was wrong.

You told me,
You gave me,
You let me hold onto
the strength I needed
and was afraid I had lost.

You gave me the affirmation
that you wanted me there,
more than others,
you wanted me.

Not the pretty girl,
Not the outspoken girl,
Not the one that has found herself.

You wanted none of the above.

And the thing is,
I want it.

We all want it.

More than those
who can have it,
we want it.

So please,
listen,
and give us a chance.

Because it's all we're asking you,
Because all we want is to spend our final days
working on something so amazing.

And when it finally happens,
you will never regret it.

Wyndam-Pryce

Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever, but get over it. 'Cause pretty soon you're not even gonna have the loser friends you've got now.

M'darling,
give me a moment,
let me spell it out for you,
and let you see,
for real this time,
and let you see the truth

Don't you see,
there's nothing to forgive,
as you did no wrong,
as have I,
I knew I wanted a second path,
and I chose to walk away.

It's nobody's fault,
we made a deal
to end our pain,
because we were friends
from the very beginning,

I realised that we were only friends,
because it would be inconvenient not to be.

Maybe I was right,
and maybe I was wrong,
I may have made a mistake,
but whether I did or didn't,
I moved on.

And I wouldn't talk about me forgetting,
because I can't remember
half the things I did
the day before.

It's painful,
and it's hard,
but it's life.

And the thing is,
if I could relive the moments once again,
I'd never want anything to change.

Feels Like Tonight

What you did, was necessary, what I've always admired, you chose what to do with little difficulty,
because you placed your heart above all else.

It was the animosity,
the fear,
and the lion,
who seemed to come,
time after time,

when I least expected,
when I was at my lowest.

It is from the windows,
from which souls were made visible.
Windows all around me.

It is from the mumblings,
and all such meaningless,
lowly tunes.

I believed that I had found my happiness
and forgotten all the pain and sorrow.

But it was there,
lurking,
waiting,
like a gentleman,
only acting when the time was right.

How do I trust,
when my paramours are haunting me,
with the secrets,
and gossips.

How do I feel,
when I'm in a cage,
no light,
no freedom as such,
and I cannot move forward,
not because you're holding me back,
but because I choose to stand beside you.

I miss the talks.
The laughter.

but that's all we really had.

and I hate it.

I hate that it's so hard,
because all I want is to feel,
not the cheap thrill of roller coasters,
50 feet in the air,
but the emotional high and lows
that everyone talks about.

I hate that I try hard to make you understand,
and you don't even give me your 2-cents worth.

I hate that my fingers are less fluid,
for in the past,
I would be able to type
and type some more.

And you let me see,
you asked me to,
and I'm glad you did,
you reminded me about what I wrote to you,
a little more than a month ago,
and I remembered all the love that I received,
and all the love that I gave.

I am my own person,
there isn't a way to make this complicated,
because it is what it is,
simple.

I choose my own destiny,
and path my own road.

And I will become a better person,
not for your eyes,
but for my own.

Purple Poker

Because when he breaks in and starts hacking you up with his machete, your screams will wake me up, and then I'll be able to escape.

I'm satisfied,
with my life.

I don't have the sick and twisted problems,
but there's a lack of something,
as if I could only be who I am
when I wasn't happy.

Lyrics came and went through my head,
like blood pumping.

And once more,
and maybe forever,
I will be empty,
silent,
shuttered and dank,
without passion and without dreams.

Will I go on like this?
I'm I good at being depressed?
Does that make me a better person?

and am I going to change just because
I can't write like before,
or nothing cool comes out of my head,

No.
That's retarded.

Do you think I'm happy about it,
not having my books filled with words,

Now,
if you can do what I used to,
on a daily,
no, on a regular basis,
then tell me what you think.

I'm trying.

The 2 and the Conjoined

I said shut the hell up.

Can it be simple?

Can you tell me numbers,
like you did before?

Can you hold my hand,
like when we ran to the dance floor?

Can you get a razor,
or don't,
I'll be fine with anything.

Can you make me laugh,
like the time when the country girl wasn't famous yet.

Can it be simple,
or is it just too much to ask?

Button, Button, Who's got the button?

Shame on you. Why does a man do what he musn't? For her. To be hers. To be the kind of man who would nev-To be a kind of man. And she will look upon him with forgiveness... and everybody will forgive and love. And he will be loved. So everything's okay, right? C-can we rest now?

when I saw,
when it was right there,
in front of me,
I got it.

it's going to happen again,
I am going to go through more troubles,
and hardships,

I am going to cry again,
and hurt,
and scream,
but then again it won't matter.

because in the end,
I'll have all of you,

I gave out my heart and soul,
and I was loved,

all that happened
didn't matter,
never mattered,
and will never matter.

because I found my place,
I found my happiness,
and I was loved.

Roadmap

Please, how many times have I heard that line in my demon days? "I'm so rotten, they don't even have a word for it. I'm bad. Baddy bad bad bad. Does it make you horny?

Or terrified. Whatever.

It went over,
time and time again,
how it works,
how I would make it work.

What she said,
and her,
and her.

all the people,
talking,
saying,
singing.

I will miss the people that came and went,
and I will love the people who remember.

I see those,
who do not see me.
who have gone,
and would not turn back,
and I am hollow.
I had convinced myself that
you had meant the most to me,
not because you taught me the most,
but because you were willing to share my mirth and sorrow.

but where are you now?

And That's Enough.

so you are in an abyss,
lost and alone,
nothing to fight for,
nothing to lose,
no hope,
no friends,
no happy ending,
nothing to look forward to,
no simple memories,
no weapons to fend for your self,
no family,
no sense of right and wrong,

nothing left,
everything gone,
everything stolen,

take all that away,
and what's left?



me.

You'll Be There For Me?

Will I stay this way forever?
Sleepwalk through my life's endeavor?

sing me a song,
read me a prayer.

I know we all have to let go someday.

I look at all the things around me,
and ask the simple why.

why,
why am I whiny?
why am I alone?
why am I trying?

when everyone says that it's okay,
and that "you have us"
comforting words,
but also,
hollow.

so who do I have.
do I even exist?

I look at what people have,
simple,
happy lives.
with friends that will will be there till the day they die.
simple isn't it?
how happy they are?

I don't remember when I was happy.
I was,
I just don't know when.

I don't even know whether I can be
a happy person.

so the best friend in the story
is left,
forgotten.

the unpopular geek leaves school,
knowing another phase of her life has pass,
but turns behind and sees everyone walking away.

so she's alone.
walking on.
no where to go,
no place to run,
nothing to do,
no sights to see,
no songs to sing.

living her life

so give me a reason
to get out of bed in the morning.
so give me an excuse
to get me to smile
so give me a path
to get me walking
so give me hands,
to get me to tear this mask off.
so give me a mirror
to let me know I'm still here.





so give me something to sing about.

Tegan

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So, tell me when you gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything.

In these 2 years
that we have been friends,
I have gained a lot from you
in the sense that
you have taught me a lot.

and I have also lost a lot,
in the sense,
that I lost a great friend,
you.

you were there for me,
when no one understood,
you were there to listen,
you were there.

and in that moment where I lost you,
I blamed her.
I blamed her,
because she was the one talking to you.
joking with you.

how childish I was.
selfish.

I blamed so many people,
but when I thought about it,

when I asked myself,
I realised,
that I wasn't the perfect friend.
I realised,
that I too was irritating.
I realised,
that I, myself drove you away.

and for that,
I really am sorry.
for I have hurt you,
or being childish,
thinking someone stole you away,
and that I had nothing to do with it.

But please know,
You will always be my
freakishly good friend.

Mugger

Don't blame the pretty lady. Coo.

You know how I feel,
because it happened to you.

You took the one friend I could call true.
You took the one freakishly good friend I had,
when I had nothing else.
And you took her away.

Look at yourself,
and ask yourself,
whether you deserve it.

Salvation

the people who don't care will never understand the people who do.

I really thought that I was the boundary.

So maybe we aren't that close.
maybe we shouldn't have chosen to become friends.
maybe you came into my life to teach me something.
maybe you deserve more.

but I don't think I'm the person you're looking for.

I'm saying,
maybe it's over.

First Date

No, you have to stay. 'Cause I'm not ready for you to not be here.

I need someone to reassure me,
to tell me again,
why I'm doing this.

I want someone to say,
hey you were great.

someone that is willing to give me attention.
not because I did something random,
or cried out silly things,
or even jumped about and smiling like an idiot.

I need someone,
to tell me that I was good,
because I put in the effort,
and did well.

I need someone,
to see me,
not as the best friend,
not as the good girl,
not as the cheerful sweetheart,
not as the emotional wreck,
not as the crazy looney,

but me,
the one who has a mind of her own,
the one who loves english songs only,
the one who thinks that IKEA meatballs are awesome,
the one who loves shows that portray female empowerment,
the one who has trouble fitting in,
the one who has trouble being herself,

I need someone to asks someone to shut up,
when that person has hurt me,
even though what the person said was funny.

I want someone
to reassure me that everything will be ok,
to reassure me that even if I'm teased that it was unintentional,
to reassure me why I did what I did,
and if it was wrong,
and guide me step by step on how I could correct that mistake.

I am so sick of people fawning over someone,
someone so hungry for attention,
so needy for a reply,
and so pushy for information.

It's when people don't see what is right in front of them,
and just not see how others are hurt,

I know it's unintentional.
and I know that you don't really care,
I also see how you don't see me,
as if I'm beneath you.

not good enough to be your friend,
not good enough to compliment,
not good enough to know things,
not good enough to be clever,
not good enough to scream,
not good enough to deserve any respect,

just a lowly servant,
begging to be in your good graces.

and the funny thing is,
you act as if you don't even know it.

I need someone to reassure me why I'm doing these things,
why I got into the play,
why I got to be your friend,
why I was willing to sacrifice so much in the past,
but not now.
why aren't I talking to you?
why am I so insecure?
why is it that I need to hang onto shit?
why am I letting everything get to me?

why isn't anyone stepping forward?

I'm Sorry.

THAT'S NOT RUNNING, THAT'S FALLING!

when people say things,
and do things,
what do they really mean,
some are blessed
with the ability
to choose exactly
what words to say
to a person.

when you talk to a person,
do you say what's in your mind?

I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,

and after a while,
you won't mean those words,
you'll just be lying.

and what good is that?












I'm sorry,
truly,
I am.

Are you in, or are you out?

Anya, I have faith in you. There is no one you cannot piss off.

It's tiring,
to pretend,
to make everything a lie,
to live a lie.

but you see,

lies,
they make up this complex web of shit,
that everyone spins,
and day after day,
you're going to start to forget
who you lied to,
and what you lied about.

and it's ridiculous
on all the little things
we need to lie about.

and it's sad,
how all of us
lie, and are upset
when other people do it.

people lie,
all the time
when we obviously don't need to.

why?

seriously,
why do people lie?

in this,
simple,
yet complex
mind of ours,
why do we lie?

we lie,
because someone will get hurt if we don't.

but no.
that just isn't a good enough reason.

Merteuil

Be her Captain Picard, Valmont. Boldly go where no man has gone before.

I can't
I couldn't
I won't.

for too long,
I've kept silent.
and for too long,
I've been empty.

So this is it,
I'm doing this.

I'm being brave,
and being bold,
and doing something,
on my own,

and i'm putting my first step forward.

this is it.
i'm back.